Edward is High?
by Jeaniverre
Summary: Wait a minute - are you telling me that vampires are not immune to crystal meth? And, even though it is against all his morals, Edward has ingested it? Starting to be more than a one-shot Title might change!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Come on; if I owned Twilight, do you think that it would be _nearly_ as serious as it is?

* * *

The look that Edward gave me was starting to freak me out a bit. I've never seen him this way before. His eyes won't stop twitching; they were jerking from one object to the next. At random moments, he would just burst out laughing.

Next to me, Emmett shifted uneasily from foot to foot, shooting glances towards me every so often. His looks were nervous – almost as if he was keeping something from me…

"_Emmett!_" screamed Alice as she stepped in the door. Emmett jumped about four and a half feet in the air. "What did you _do_?!" She ran over and started coddling Edward, who was making clicking noises, now.

"Nothing!" Emmett insisted. "He's been like this since we've been back from camping."

"What exactly did he feed on, Emmett?" inquired Carlisle, cool as ever.

"Well, a few dear, here and there…"

"And?" prompted Rosalie.

"Well, erm, the only thing abnormal was this mountain lion… You see, it was kinda ginormous, and I told his not to do it-"

"You did nothing of the sort!" Everyone's eyes – including mine, which had been getting narrower and narrower, until they'd been nothing but slits while glaring at Emmett – flicked over to Edward. Placing a hand over his chest and fluttering his eyes, he continued. "There was a huge cat, and HE-" he glared at the grizzly-lover, "decided to dare me to wrestle with it. So, I did. I won, naturally, and bit in so as to claim my prize. Right away, I could tell that it tasted different." Here, I could see that Edward was becoming a bit jumpy. "But I continued none the less. There was just something about it that reminded me of, erm, uh… a clock! Yes! That was it! A clock! And it smelled kind of like flowers, too… yes, definitely floral." I gulped. _I_ was floral, too.

"A clock?" Rosalie snorted. Edward continued to babble incoherently.

"Hmm… If I didn't know any better, I'd almost say that it seems as if Edward is intoxicated," Carlisle said thoughtfully.

"But, isn't that impossible?" I squeaked.

"DON'T YOU SEE?!" Jasper entered the conversation. "HE'S ON DRUGS!" Carlisle shot him a questioning look. "IT'S FREAKING CRYSTAL METH!!" We all heard a squeal from upstairs as we turned to see Esme drag Emmett back into the den by his earlobe.

"Of course," breathed Carlisle. "The one drug that vampires aren't immune to." As I gazed around unbelievingly, I saw Jasper – who was twitching violently right now – give Alice a significant glare. Alice snatched him up and sprinted out to the yard.

Without Alice left to restrain him, and all other Cullen eyes on Emmett as he was beaten by Esme, Edward crawled over and sat on the couch next to me. I watched him warily as he sat serenely. After a moment or two, he leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Get it, Bella?" he giggled. "I'm _high_!" And with that, he tore off his clothes, excepting his undies, and went galloping off the backyard. I was paralyzed, and didn't realize that Emmett had apologized until he covered my eyes with his hand, shielding me from Edward's insaneness.

* * *

A/N: So, this is just a short, little scenario that I made up the other day at school (which is now out, by the way), and it probably isn't as funny as all of my friends keep telling me it is, but I put it up here, anyways. Did all of you get the reference to Jasper's power? I don't think that he really liked feeling high. And, incase no one understood _how_ Edward got high: that mountain lion was on steroids (don't ask me how), and somehow got into someone's meth. Do we all get it, now? If there aren't too many complaints, I might post a few more little, short stories (crack-tastic stories, my friend Emme and I call them) more often.

On another note, I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating "Twits". Now that I've read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I'm a little lost on what I should do with the plot. Make it follow the book, or not? Well, either way, I'll be updating soon on that.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, I feel like a failure. It's really short (even by my standards); sorry to dissapoint.  
Well, don't hate me too much. We'll say that's it's just a filler, of sorts. I hope to have more up soon!

* * *

I felt tears trickle down my face, finding their way through Emmett's fingers. Outside, I could hear the muffled cries of Esme and Carlisle trying to reason Edward into putting his clothes back on. Suddenly, I giggled in hysteria at the whole bizarre situation. How could a mountain lion get into someone's meth? Is there some sort of maniac addict living in the woods? Here we go; back to fear again. Poor Jasper must be on a rollercoaster. Emmett's grip loosened on me, and I peeled his hand off of my face and ran up the stairs, tripping all the while. Just before my face met with the top step, I felt cool iron bands wrap gently around me as I turned and cried into Carlisle's shoulder.

"We heard you from outside," he murmured into my ear. "He'll be fine, you know. Rosalie's taking him hunting as we speak; we just have to flush it out of his system." I nodded my understanding as he helped me to my feet. He looked at me with concern in his eyes, before nodding at me and retreating down the stairs.

As I made my way into Edward's room, I heard soft arguing on the stairs. Emmett was trying to convince Alice to let her see me; she must have been on guard for the landing below.

"Bella! I really am sorry! I didn't know about the panther, okay?" Emmett called through the door. He broke through the hinges and burst into the room, casting his gaze to the kaput door with a grimace, before turning his attention to me again.

"It's fine," I lied, knowing that he would see through it. Thankfully, Alice showed up behind him, reeling the burly man out and laying the door against the frame in the process.

Once his bear of a brother was out of the way, Jasper stepped into the room, soothing me simultaneously. "Alice says that he'll be back in about half an hour, and to be prepared for his heavy mortification."

"Thanks, Jasper," I mumbled, to overwhelmed to express my full gratitude for his wife. While with me, he explained that Emmett had always envied humans for their inept immunity to drugs, as he had never had the chance to experience what was sure to be a "glorious high" when he was human. "He always tells us that the highest he's ever gone was the first time he laid his new, unadulterated eyes on Rosalie. Of course, she walks into the room as he's saying this, and they always disappear for a while afterwards…" he said with a screwed up face. I giggled. "The rest of them are just surprised that he knows what 'unadulterated' means," he chuckled. "At least Edward can get away from it. Alice has no such sympathy for me what-so-ever, and keeps me here, to help perfect her Spanish." I unsure as to why Alice would want to learn Spanish, but decided against asking; I had realized that I was feeling much better.

Alice appeared once again, and told Jasper that his presence was requested in the living room. Before she left, the pixie turned to me. "He'll be home in a few minutes. Carlisle tells me that the effects wear off quickly, and that meth usually leaves our kind with a momentary depression, so, go easy on him, and try not to bring this up for a day or two."

"I wasn't planning on it," I told her.

"You were pretty shaken. Just, don't worry. And, try to comfort him: he's going to need it.

"Okay. Thanks, Alice."

"No problem, kiddo. Just forty-three more seconds. Prepare!" I laughed at her use of kiddo.

"Alrighty, oldster." She stuck her tongue out and left.

Moments later, Edward leapt in through the open window with a sorrowfully apologetic look gracing his features.

* * *

Not too bad, is it? Only 641 words, so... I'll try to be quick about updating.  
Oh, I forgot to say - likely hood of developing into a story: very-much-most-likely. I'll probably have the new title posted in the next chapter (or not), so keep on the look out!

Twits is going _very_ slowly, but it is coming; please be patient!


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